Monday, July 13, 2009

The Discussion

I know some of you are wondering how last Thursday's talk went. As it turned out, I didn't have to release as many details as I thought I might. I didn't even cry. They both had some very good, meaningful insights for me. Particularly that this, as all things, is not black and white and there is no definitive answer for any part of it. Accepting that may not be easy, but will help.

They also advised against being a spiritual mentor for Monty. The simplest reason is that I can't do everything for him. Even if I have the expertise in this regard, I can't be expected to wear every hat. I was greatly struggling with this request he made of me, even for reasons that I didn't quite realize at the time. But, I know that is one of those things that I just can't do and I was able to tell him that yesterday. I know he didn't understand, and tried to press. I have more reasons beyond this one, but that was all I was willing to say. Eventually, he said "ok, I asked and you said no. That's cool." Having that burden no longer on me is a noticeable relief.

One of them mentioned that, with enough notice, she would be willing to come with me to the sentencing since I'm certain I'm going to need support. They both said they were open any time I needed to talk. Writing about it is one thing, but being able to actually bounce ideas off of someone and get some thoughts from people outside the situation is really helpful. I mentioned that it would have been perfectly ok if they heard my story and decided they couldn't help me. They mentioned something that my other friend who asked to be an ear had said, them taking the time to help me does not imply support or rejection of Monty. Other than the fact that he's brought this situation on me, and I've chosen to let him, it's not about him. They were there for me and, as the situation is not black and white, neither are my reasons for staying by him.

Sometimes, we need someone else to remind us of things that we already know.

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