Friday, July 3, 2009

Breaking Point

I've reached my breaking point. I've found the point where I don't think I can handle my part of this on my own.

I decided to ask the pastors at the ministry I work with for help. We have not yet scheduled a meeting, and I don't think they come here, I don't think they know what's coming. I was crying just asking for help.

Nothing new has happened, except Monty has asked me to help guide him spiritually when he is in prison, starting with now. He's asked me to help him follow some of the ways of my faith, and needs instructions on how to do that when he will not be allowed tools or sacred objects. I wonder if he still has the mala I made for him some months ago.

I don't know if I can do it. I have my own opinions about the beautiful faith I follow, and I don't know if he fits in it. I think that makes me just like the pastor at his church who didn't want him around, though she didn't (perhaps couldn't) bar him from weekly service. I want to try. I just don't know if I can. I don't know if I can be objective enough to instruct without judging.

He has some things down. One of the main principals is that of personal responsibility. He's showing this by not running from what he has done. Maybe I can start building on that. I don't know.

I know I need help. I'm worried that even the pastors, my friends whom I love and respect, will take the same stand as my roommate, who has admitted to not being able to do what I am trying to do. I don't know where I'll turn then.

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