Thursday, September 3, 2009

Half of the Truth

While I was talking to Monty on the phone the other day, he mentioned he noticed that I don't accept invitations to stay overnight anymore. He found it odd that I had done so before but recently had been insistent to leave in the wee hours of the morning rather than wait until dawn and get a tiny bit of sleep. He mentioned that I seem to be uncomfortable at the idea, where I had taken him up on it twice before.

"It's the bugs," I told him. That's only half of it, I admit that.

The basement that has been his home for more than a year is prone to bugs. Big brown beetle-type bugs whose corpses I often find flat from being trampled underfoot. I do think about the bugs that may be crawling on me or into my bags while I'm there. I pointed out that he probably noticed I don't take my shoes off anymore too. He said he had. He also said he was glad that it was something that he can easily work to remedy so I will feel more comfortable and not because of him that I no longer stay.

That's the part that I didn't tell him. It does make me uncomfortable, knowing what I now know. I don't know what I'm going to do if he says he's taken care of the bugs. Will I have to own to this part of the issue? Why am I so adamant that I don't do it now?


  1. Because you are a good, kind, considerate person who has gone to great lengths to continue to be the supportive friend that he is counting on you to be, and you know how much it would hurt him to know that you're no longer comfortable with him.

    And, for the record, you are a far better person than I am. Knowing what he did, there is no way I could continue to support someone, no matter how close they are to me, no matter the situation, who had done what he pled guilty to. Your compassion amazes me, and I hope that you know what a wonderful person you are.


  2. Reading those words from you touched me deeply. You, if anyone, would understand why I struggle with this, why I question my decisions all the time but still somehow stay by them.

    Thank you, dear friend.