tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-47169686017287140452024-03-13T23:28:57.781-04:00Shackled LifeOne man's road to prison is also his friend's road.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-61985535579513886162011-09-22T13:56:00.003-04:002011-09-22T14:07:56.121-04:00I am Troy Davis<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:worddocument> <w:view>Normal</w:View> <w:zoom>0</w:Zoom> <w:punctuationkerning/> <w:validateagainstschemas/> <w:saveifxmlinvalid>false</w:SaveIfXMLInvalid> <w:ignoremixedcontent>false</w:IgnoreMixedContent> <w:alwaysshowplaceholdertext>false</w:AlwaysShowPlaceholderText> <w:compatibility> <w:breakwrappedtables/> <w:snaptogridincell/> <w:wraptextwithpunct/> <w:useasianbreakrules/> <w:dontgrowautofit/> </w:Compatibility> <w:browserlevel>MicrosoftInternetExplorer4</w:BrowserLevel> </w:WordDocument> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <w:latentstyles deflockedstate="false" latentstylecount="156"> </w:LatentStyles> </xml><![endif]--><!--[if !mso]><object classid="clsid:38481807-CA0E-42D2-BF39-B33AF135CC4D" id="ieooui"></object> <style> st1\:*{behavior:url(#ieooui) } </style> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]> <style> /* Style Definitions */ table.MsoNormalTable {mso-style-name:"Table Normal"; mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0; mso-tstyle-colband-size:0; mso-style-noshow:yes; mso-style-parent:""; mso-padding-alt:0in 5.4pt 0in 5.4pt; mso-para-margin:0in; mso-para-margin-bottom:.0001pt; mso-pagination:widow-orphan; font-size:10.0pt; font-family:"Times New Roman"; mso-ansi-language:#0400; mso-fareast-language:#0400; mso-bidi-language:#0400;} </style> <![endif]--><span style="font-style: italic;">I know it's been a while since I've posted here. I will catch you up later. Just of all my blogs, this seemed the most fitting for today's thoughts. It should be noted that Monty is not facing capital punishment for his crime. </span><br /><br />I'm new to this story. I haven't been following it, I have heard no evidence, I have read no news reports (until yesterday evening around 1900). Even so, there is so much about this whole situation that just is not right.<br /><br />Do I think he was innocent? I don't know. But in the wonderful United States of America, that doesn't matter either. He is presumed innocent. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt.</span> Was he actually proven guilty? I don't know, having seen none of the trial. Was there doubt? Hell, yes.<br /><br />I saw <a href="http://www.facebook.com/#%21/wtopnews/posts/246391698739858" target="_blank">this post</a> on Facebook this morning, and there is so much more I want to say - far beyond the space that FB will allow me.<br /><br />First I will repeat the comment that I did make.<br /><span style="font-size:85%;"><br />From the article: "The U.S. Supreme Court even gave Davis an unusual opportunity to prove his innocence in a lower court last year."<br /><br />No. No, no, no. That is not how our judicial system was meant to work. You don't have to prove innocence. If he was executed because he couldn't prove innocence, then everyone involved is a murderer because they forgot that the system was designed to presume the accused are innocent and the burden of proof is on the prosecutors. Does this mean we're moving towards a 'guilty until proven innocent' system? Get the lawmakers who support this out NOW!</span><br /><br />Then, I need to talk about someone's comment.<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8DaEETJR2Bk/Tnt3FgJWEdI/AAAAAAAABKY/JF748jCToWw/s1600/quote1.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 77px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-8DaEETJR2Bk/Tnt3FgJWEdI/AAAAAAAABKY/JF748jCToWw/s320/quote1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655244693505970642" border="0" /></a><br />I cannot adequately express how terribly ignorant this statement is, particularly the last bit. Look at it again: 'it's ok to kill someone, because if they did nothing wrong, they'll go to heaven." By that rationale, Mr Johnson can go around killing people all he wants, because he's doing them a favor by sending them to heaven. I just can't believe someone could think like this. I have more to say on the matter, but this is all I can get out. It is shocking.<br /><br /><br />The amount of people commenting on that post that we need more capital punishment is just staggering. Death is not the answer. It never has been. It has been studied over and over. The threat of death is not a criminal deterrent. It costs taxpayers more money to kill someone than it does to keep them in prison for the rest of their life. The research is out there.<br /><br />And what makes righteous killing any better than murder? Taking a life is taking a life, whether you do it by force or with a needle and the approval of your government.<br /><br />Another comment from that post, particularly the second sentence is of note:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7pDvUs8NF1E/Tnt3FumiX2I/AAAAAAAABKQ/qqZ5Zl_u2Sw/s1600/quote2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 67px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7pDvUs8NF1E/Tnt3FumiX2I/AAAAAAAABKQ/qqZ5Zl_u2Sw/s320/quote2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5655244697386508130" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QZpAzWk_0Rc/Tnt3GG7XzOI/AAAAAAAABKg/-wxNYzt4C10/s1600/FBpost.jpg"></a><br />The whole thing is very sad. A life was ended and no one can agree if he deserved it, or if he was innocent of the crime he was accused. I say he did not deserve it and being innocent or not is completely irrelevant. Even in that regard, there was more than enough doubt to stay an execution. The amount of disagreements in that FB post alone is proof of that.<br /><br />We live in a frightening place indeed if this is what passes for justice.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-85631350637678475322010-08-10T09:51:00.000-04:002010-08-10T09:52:57.955-04:00JusticeI learned this morning that an acquaintance of mine is in a similar situation as Monty. Similar, but not the same. Where no person was physically hurt by Monty, someone was by this acquaintance. But, it appears that her sentence for the felony charge was ten years monitored probation, while his was ten years incarceration. That does not seem right to me. At. All.<br /><br />Really, I'm quite angry about it. I know there are two sides to every story. I only have press releases and court records to go on for this acquaintance, so I only have that side of the story - the side that seems to be in the business of making things seem worse than they are. Still, two sides of the same crime and what feels like the lesser of the two gets the harsher sentence. I don't understand. And it makes me very mad.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-2242813359615959322010-05-19T09:02:00.000-04:002010-05-19T09:03:35.562-04:00UnexpectedI'm moving. I'm buying a house. I move my things in this weekend, but I can't start living there until we close, which is June.<br /><br />Monty was the only friend who was available to help me move two years ago. I have other dear friends helping me this time around, but I can't stop thinking about last time. That was before his trouble started, or rather, before I knew of it. I know he would be here for me again if it were possible.<br /><br />His birthday is coming up too. His first birthday spent in that place.<br /><br />Some times, I miss him more than others. This time is one of those. It hit me suddenly. It makes things very very hard to deal with. I can't help but think how things might be different if he were still here.<br /><br />I haven't heard from him since I told him I was moving, but I'm sure he's waiting to write until I get to my new place. I'm not surprised, of course, but it makes his absence that much harder to bear. Life changes are times when we need our friends. I have others and they're wonderful people who I love dearly. But I miss Monty too.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-38268961797912857642010-03-24T13:29:00.001-04:002010-03-24T13:31:38.938-04:00TimingCallie, the diabetic cat I couldn't take with me when I moved out, succumbed to her disease a little more than two weeks ago. It's hard times like that when I really miss my friend. Monty understood the connection I have to my pets. He once came over to bury a fish because I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Because of all the snow, and life, I haven't had a chance to write Monty or Guy in a while. Because of this, Monty called me the following Saturday after Callie's death.<br /><br />Now, my boyfriend, Robin, was doing a fantastic job at keeping my mind on other things. He knows all about Monty (or, as much as I could stand to tell him) and supports that I support him. He was very kind and patient while I took those two phone calls.<br /><br />Monty said that Guy mentioned he hadn't heard from me in a while. I guess Monty had to admit he hadn't either, and that's why he decided to call. Truly, his timing has always been that good, and he even remembered the fish and what he wrote on a little piece of paper left on the grave (“Here lies Prexus. He lived and died as a god should: worshiped, feared, and loved” Prexus was named after the Sea God of EverQuest, you see). He said he'd pass along to Guy what's been going on. I wrote them both a letter today.<br /><br />I actually had a really bad morning, and found myself again wishing I could call Monty. I wrote about it in the letter and I think he was going to try to call again soon. In any event, it's times like this when I realize how much I really do miss my friend.<br /><br />It hasn't even been a year. Will it get easier as time passes, or harder? Will communication grow more scarce as we all settle into the place our own lives has brought us? I think of him often. I do wish things had been different, but I’m glad to hear he’s trying to improve himself while he’s there. We still have such a long way to go.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-33067094716836211392010-03-02T10:17:00.002-05:002010-03-02T10:20:00.051-05:00A Phone CallMonty called me on Sunday. I almost missed his call because I forgot that Caller ID simply says "call." I realized who it must be as soon as I rejected it but, thankfully, he called back right away.<br /><br />He was surprised when he realized I was right that I hadn't gotten a call from him since November. He said that he could pay for calls for a while as I work to get the vet bills manageable. We talked about that, since he's only had the story from letters. We talked about his kids and I was happy to hear that he gets to talk to all of them at least once a week. I was worried about the eldest, because his mother is a bitch to the nth degree.<br /><br />It's hard to sit and chat like you would want when you only get 15 minutes, but it was good to hear from him for those 15 minutes anyway.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-27005122912871704082010-02-05T18:27:00.003-05:002010-02-05T18:54:13.192-05:00Interesting TurnI think Monty has discovered that I canceled my phone account. He asked in his last letter if he was paying for his calls to me (as they would come out of his account if I don't have one, I guess). I haven't had a chance to reply to his letter yet, but I'm sure he'll understand that I had a need for that tiny extra bit of cash that was just sitting there for two months.<br /><br />I mentioned last time that I've also been writing to someone that Monty met on the transfer journey from DC to Texas. Monty describes him getting my letters like that scene in Harry Potter #1 when Ron tells Harry he has Christmas presents and Harry's face lights up as he exclaims "I've got presents?!" I hope it helps.<br /><br />I'm going to call him Guy. I have no idea what Guy did to land himself where he is, and I have no intention on asking. I think somewhere I have learned that everyone is deserving of forgiveness and a chance to get better, even if they are deplorable people who have committed unforgivable crimes. It's an odd place to find myself, really. But I think the only person who is not deserving of compassion is the one who does not see that he (or she) did wrong and is not trying to get better. Truly, I don't really know how much Guy knows he did wrong or how much he really is trying to heal. Monty found compassion for him, though, and that's quite a nice recommendation in my book- knowing what I know of Monty and how he is to the people he associates with (ex-wives notwithstanding).<br /><br />My mother warned me to be careful of writing to Guy and I understand where she's coming from. For all I know, Guy will be released in a year and come looking for me for one reason or another. I've decided the best thing to do is be honest. That way he'll have no reason to get any ideas, or at least, not much of a reason. For example, he spoke of his ex-girlfriend in his last letter, so I talked a bit about my boyfriend. I mentioned my Etsy business in my first letter, he told me he liked to draw, so we talk about art sometimes.<br /><br />It seems like it was the right thing to do to start writing to him too. I'm not as afraid of being penpals with a stranger who is incarcerated as I might have been a few years ago. Maybe when he is released he will have healed and grown and maybe that will happen because some stranger found some compassion in her heart for him too.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-56619849579903380652010-01-18T19:52:00.001-05:002010-01-18T19:55:30.652-05:00Had to Be Done<p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" >If you follow my main blog or craft blog, you would have read about my cat's sudden illness and trip to the emergency hospital. It would have really helped to be able to talk to Monty on the phone but, having had no calls since November, I have to accept that he can't waste his minutes on me. So, I canceled my phone account this evening. I have a need for that tiny bit of money I'll get back from it. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" >I'm not bitter about it. I understand that he has children and they need to hear his voice. And he needs to hear theirs. That's important. It so happens that I need the money to pay the vet bills, so it works out. Disappointing as it may be. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" >We've been writing to each other, though. I really look forward to his letters, and I like when he tells me how happy he is to get mine. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" >I did have grandiose dreams about actually visiting some day. It won't be any time soon. <o:p></o:p></span></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal"><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" ><o:p> </o:p></span></span></p> <span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:85%;" ><span style=";font-family:Arial;font-size:10pt;" >I have also been writing to someone who he met on the trip out to <st1:state st="on"><st1:place st="on">Texas</st1:place></st1:state>. This poor chap doesn't get any mail. It made me sad. I offered to write him before Monty even had a chance to ask if I would. I think support is important, even if I don't know this person's crime. Regardless, one day he will be back in society. Those of us on the outside can help determine the state of prisoners when that day comes. Maybe one stranger showing compassion is all this fellow needs to really heal. Maybe I have to believe I'm doing good somewhere. Who knows?</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-11107955030557672272009-12-10T10:56:00.001-05:002009-12-10T10:56:54.930-05:00QuietMonty's new girlfriend (that would be the Kelly I mentioned before) took a survey of when the people in the group are available for calls so that she could work out a schedule for Monty to not burn up his minutes on a few of us. I was thinking of doing that, so I'm glad she did. However, I wonder where I ended up on the list, because I haven't had another call since the last call I talked about. Letters, while nice, just aren't good enough when I know that he can call me.<br /><br />I suppose I'm just a friend and so not important on the level of ex-wife with kids or girlfriend. Still.<br /><br />Kelly told me that she was very happy about this relationship development. I must admit, I'm thoroughly confused. I'm not judging either for making the decision, in fact Monty reported during one of our phone calls that Kelly had mentioned possibly moving out there for the duration so she could visit. I also must admit that thought crossed my mind briefly as well. In any event, they decided to be a couple. Good for them, but I don't get it. I am further confused because it wasn't until a week or so before he went away that he even talked about Kelly to me. It's very odd, considering the things we always talked about. But, if it's a comfort for him, then more power to her.<br /><br />A few little things have happened recently that made me wish I could call him. Nothing major, but little things that I would have talked to him about if circumstances were different. Maybe that's part of what makes no calls for me so frustrating. Well, he can only make maybe 20 calls a month, really. If he has 12 people (or more) to call, I'd imagine that the important people get more calls. And it's well that they should. His kids certainly need to talk to him more than I do.<br /><br />The group of us is getting together on Sunday at his in-laws. We'll have potluck food and a Christmas tree to decorate. I was sorry I couldn't go to the last gathering, so I'm happy to be able to join them this time.<br /><br />Kelly and I talked about getting together sometimes to help each other through. The thing that surprises me is that she always says "call me." Why do people always leave the planning of things to others? If she really wanted to get together, why doesn't she call me? (Yes, I can call too, that's not the point.) Well, when things slow down in my day-to-day, I will. I know she has a much more erratic work schedule than me (and I don't think she drives), so getting together may not be an easy thing to do. I'll try. <br /><br />I wonder when my day to get a call is. If I knew, I could be ready and not worry about making other plans when he may call. That would help. If I only get one call a month, I would sure hate to miss it.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-86268095698697315532009-11-26T00:26:00.003-05:002009-11-26T00:38:17.309-05:00Thought SoGot an e-mail update from m-i-l. Apparently, it was as I thought, Monty just used up all his minutes for the month. It renews on the 25th of the month, so he was able to call a few people (not me) yesterday. I was thinking and hoping that's all it was. Glad that's all it was.<br /><br />While I didn't get a phone call, I did get a letter. Say it with me: YAY!!<br />He reports that he enjoyed the ACEO that I sent and was glad to get a print-out of the story I wrote for him in May. He couldn't get a job tutoring math, but he did get a job landscaping. He expressed some sympathy at the situation with the cats, and talked about some of the things he does in his copious spare time.<br /><br />The letter was like opening a present. I bet receiving them is much the same on his end. Any little connection, even just mail, is...I don't have a word for what it is. A blessing, a comfort. Flaws aside, there's still a person there. A person who was and is very dear to me.<br /><br />So, I stayed up way past my bedtime answering his letter (though it won't get in the mail until Friday). I am making an effort to write him weekly. I may not be able to, but I'm going to try. I've also challenged him to fold 1000 origami cranes. I think I might have to send him the paper, a few letters at a time, though! If I send two papers a letter, he should be done by the time he gets out. Ok, I'm not really expecting him to do this, but it's fun to challenge him anyway.<br /><br />Since it is past my bedtime, I'll stop there. Happy to have heard from him.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-2231139080346724812009-11-23T09:12:00.002-05:002009-11-23T09:19:55.336-05:00No News Means WhatAfter three separate 15 minutes of talking with Monty, should I be concerned that I haven't had a call in a week? One of the group sent a text message on Thursday morning that she hadn't heard from him either. Granted, he gets a limited number of minutes to use a month, and there are a good number of us on his call list. Still, I think it means as much to us to hear from him as it does for him to hear from us.<br /><br />I have been sending letters, though. Well, two since he started calling. I would really like to send a letter a week, but I don't know how long that will last. I need to write one for this week anyway, and I do have some news to share.<br /><br />Still, should we be worried that he hasn't been in touch with at least a couple of us? There's been no e-mail word from any in the group either. Are we all falling into a kind of rut, that even the support we have for each other is falling off?<br /><br />Maybe it will and maybe it can. I don't think no news is good news, though. I think no news is no newsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-12173898387746191732009-11-15T14:51:00.001-05:002009-11-23T09:20:18.940-05:00Call AgainThe other people in Monty's home support group decided to get together yesterday just for a bit of face-to-face fellowship. I couldn't make it because the landlord is inspecting the condo sometime this week and my roommates and I have been really lax about keeping it clean. We needed to take the weekend to clean up.<br /><br />Monty called in the morning yesterday. He told me that he was having a bad day earlier in the week and he was able to turn it into just a day. I imagine there are more bad days than not where his is, and proud of him that he could turn it around. Maybe not completely, but at least somewhat.<br /><br />He told me that one of the guys in his work-out group is from this area and has virtually no support from anyone. That makes me sad. Being on this side of things, I can see how someone who commits a crime brings everyone around him into it too. I can see how many find it better to cut ties and pick up than to still show love and support. Still, that one person has the misfortune to have everyone in his life do so is disheartening. Monty was thinking of asking us to write to him as well. I'd be willing to do that, and I bet others would. Sometimes, I find more compassion than I really thought I had.<br /><br />Since Monty called in the morning, I was able to tell him to call his in-laws that day too. He called back later in the evening to thank me for the tip, because <em>everyone</em> was there. I'm sorry I missed it, because I bet that turned into a very nice gathering. They even had Monty there for a bit.<br /><br />Don't let me forget to check my phone account so I can find out how much three 15 minute calls cost (and one three minute one). It's time to work that account into my budget, I think.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-3586447943511039462009-11-11T08:38:00.000-05:002009-11-23T08:39:37.541-05:00HE CALLEDI got to talk to Monty yesterday!! At first, we got about 3 minutes before the call dropped (and we're not sure if it was on his side or mine). I was all prepared to write that three minutes wasn't nearly enough time, but it was better than nothing. He called back almost two hours later and we got the full 15 minutes that his calls are allowed.<br /><br />Oh, it was so nice to talk to him. Things are going as well as they can. He's got a group of guys he works out with. He's trying to get a job as a math tutor. He gave me a whole list of books that he thinks I would be interested in.<br /><br />Even 15 minutes wasn't enough. But, at least I know my phone account works. That is quite a comfort.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-10563222348665831332009-11-06T17:32:00.000-05:002009-11-23T08:32:38.945-05:00Talking and ListeningI had a nice talk with one of my coworkers, Pat, this morning. He was very helpful in getting me through the day on Wednesday until the manager got out of a meeting and I could get permission to leave early. As we were talking today, it occurred to me that my friendship with Pat is very similar to my friendship with Monty.<br /><br />Pat knows the facts but not the details. He said he doesn't need to know and he doesn't want to know. It's in my best interest to not give details anyway for various reasons, and I don't. Besides, if people are willing to help me, I don't need them to react the way that my roommates did.<br /><br />So, he reminded me that I could talk to him about things and that it was ok to be upset when I learned that Monty was suddenly very out of reach. He told me I have to give myself time to grieve over it, to feel it before I can move forward. Other friends didn't understand this.<br /><br />Just last weekend, I spoke with another dear friend. There were actually two people there, one of them left me alone when I said I didn't need anything and the other didn't. We had just celebrated the new year in my faith, and I was focusing on how much I took Monty for granted while he was here. My friend reminded me that it was ok to do so, because everyone does, and that I'm ahead of most because I realized that and can make an effort to not do it.<br /><br />I've found that I get more support from people who don't know details. Perhaps because it's easier for them to not get caught up on the crime and realize it is me they are supporting. Maybe it's that most of those who know (and it's not many) can't help but feel that, by helping me, they are helping Monty by proxy. Not everyone who knows all the facts does this either. So, there are times when I feel very alone, and there are times when I'm dumbfounded by the people who appear out of no where to help me.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-15313861049224992052009-11-04T10:26:00.000-05:002009-11-04T10:28:59.280-05:00One Disappointment After AnotherI have a lot more to update today.<br /><br />You may remember when last I wrote I mentioned Monty had not called me. It turns out that he did call, several times. The problem was that my phone was not ringing. I called the billing service and was told it was one of two things: either I was not actually on his call list at the facility (a real possibility with the things that facility got wrong) or that somehow the call waiting feature on my cell phone was blocking the calls. I called my cell phone provider and the first guy I talked to said it was because their service doesn't accept collect calls (but, it is not a collect call, that's why we set up the prepaid account). This guy really did not sound like he wanted to help. I sent an e-mail to the group asking if anyone gets Monty's calls to their cell phones and what provider they have. If it's a feature of my provider, I need a new one, right? Ex-wife has the same provider I do and gets calls fine. So, I went back to the cell phone provider, where I spoke to another person who put me on hold for 10 minutes after hearing my problem. He sounded like he understood what I was talking about and wanted to help. He came back, apologizing for the misinformation I was given earlier, and said there is nothing wrong on their end and it has to be some problem either with my call account (which I already verified), or at the facility. This was Monday. I did ask m-i-l to tell him that it was some other problem and not that I'm just not answering my phone.<br /><br />Tuesday is the only day we are allowed to visit. We had scheduled one for 6pm, and I was going to go with his mother, step-father, and grandfather. I got permission to leave work early to give me plenty of time to get downtown. I took a nap and worked on some crochet orders in the car because I did get there about an hour and a half before they would start processing. We went in, got frisked, went through the metal detectors, got seated at a table and waited. One of the guards came up and asked if we were waiting for Monty, upon our confirmation, he told us that his cell-mate just told him that Monty was transferred that morning. The guards didn't know. The guard who checked us in didn't know. The people we called in the afternoon didn't know. <strong>How in the world can you not know if an inmate is there or not??</strong> We were so disappointed. There was so much I wanted to say.<br /><br />Fast forward to today. After his m-i-l's rushing to get a new phone account set up (because the other one was specific to that facility and didn't transfer) he was finally able to call her (she is the designated point-of-contact). We found out that he did, indeed get moved to Oklahoma. This is also a temporary stop and he'll likely be there for a couple weeks before they move him to his long-term location. IN TEXAS.<br /><br />Well, once again, I was going to write more but I can't deal with Texas right now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-85695092879299881552009-10-22T11:08:00.002-04:002009-10-22T11:13:04.252-04:00A Lot Has Been HappeningAnd I've really been struggling with dealing with it all. It's not all in this matter, but this being one more thing to add to the mix has made some days nearly unbearable. This is going to be long.<br /><br />E-mail updates from Monty's mil are still pretty regular, though they've slowed down a bit. Back on the 6th, we were planning the first visit. It didn't go through because Monty was supposed to submit a list of the people who are allowed to visit him. They did not have that list, so no one could visit. We found out that Monty certainly did submit his list, but it somehow didn't get where it needed to be. He talked to his case manager about it, and the problem was taken care of that day.<br /><br />Since Tuesdays are the only days to visit him, and you have to schedule on the Monday prior, we had to wait for the 13th. This day was during my vacation, so I didn't have to contend with work. I told his wife (remember she is soon to be ex) and mil that I really wanted to be on the list to visit that day. Mil called on Monday, while I was not near the phone, to confirm that I wanted to go. I called her back, she got me added to the schedule (because I was already on the approved list, it wasn't a problem) and plans were set.<br /><br />I don't like driving into town. Who really likes city driving anyway? Thankfully, I was staying with my parents that night and could approach the facility from a little closer. It took a while to decide if I was actually going to drive, or drive to the Metro and walk the couple blocks. I ended up driving, I was more wary of taking the Metro alone than I was of driving into town alone. As it turned out, my friend Fox was also off that week and he last-minute offered to drive with me. He had no problem reading a book while we were inside. I cannot express how deeply thankful I am for that, and how much it eased my mind about the whole thing.<br /><br />The group was myself, mil, wife, Kelly, and his two youngest children. I was the first to arrive. Wife and children were late, mil came in late waiting for them. After going through the pat-down, and the metal detector and then sitting in the room waiting for that precious hour to begin, it almost looked like it would just be Kelly and I. A part of me is glad it worked out the way it did. There is no way to get a private moment during these visits, but Kelly and I came close with just the two of us there. The others did make it in. With the kids, it became chaotic. How can you get two kids, both little more than infants, to sit around for an hour while the adults talk?<br /><br />Personally, I would not have brought the children on the first visit, if it were me. I'd rather scout it out, find out what things would be like getting there and going in before I subjected young children to it. While I know he was happy to see them, it was really hard to keep our eyes on them.<br /><br />Monty's wife has never liked me. I think I've mentioned this before. She told him otherwise, of course, but her actions, body language, toward me are as clear as the Patuxent River when John Smith first navigated it. Kelly and I had a moment to talk before the visit. She said that wife approved of her, to which I was glad that she was being treated well by someone who had a big problem with me. We thought it might have been that I knew Monty first, and that's why she thought I was a threat. Kelly was surprised to hear of her behavior towards me, though.<br /><br />During the visit, with Monty in a chair and six chairs around him for us, the chair next to him was vacated by one of the little ones. Kelly and wife got to teasing him across the table. He looked at me, smiled and said, "why don't you come sit here?" in the now-empty chair next to him. As soon as I got up to move, his wife, who was sitting next to me, moved into that chair and stayed for the rest of the visit. The meaning was still clear.<br /><br />Despite me being in the company of people I like and one person who has a problem with me, it was so good to see Monty. I took it for granted when he was out, I know I did and I'm sorry for it. All I can do is what I can now. There was a visit this past Tuesday, and one planned for next week, but I likely won't be making either.<br /><br />We still don't know where his long-term facility will be. The local stop is just a place to hold him for now. We have heard, however, that he will be going to a facility in Oklahoma within the next few weeks. We don't know if that's where he'll stay for the duration or if he will be moved again. Oklahoma is not making us very happy. We're still holding out for an ultimate facility in Pennsylvania or West Virginia, but the fact that he's going to Oklahoma soon is very worrisome. It may not be another stop along the way. It may be that's where he stays. Not good news.<br /><br />Monty hasn't called me at all. I set up the phone account, he knows it. I told him the best times to call if he can get to the phone then. Nothing. He talks to others, they tell the group about it sometimes. Why hasn't he called me? I hope it's something simple. Like, he's afraid that he'll pick a time and I won't answer. It's true that I usually don't answer if I don't recognize the number calling me, but if I hope it's him, I'm going to pick up. I'll chance answering a wrong number. I would really like to hear from him, hear how he's doing.<br /><br />I used to wonder how people could still love and support someone who committed a horrid crime. Even murderers still have support sometimes. Is it delusion, like how some parents believe their bully of a child can do no wrong? Is it just ignoring the parts we don't like and embracing the parts we do? Is it forgiveness, even when the world thinks it's not deserving? I don't know, I don't think I'll ever know. What I know right now is that I miss my friend, and I want him to come through this with all the support we can give him. I want him to come out having grown, not diminished into a shadow of what he was as I know him. But, from here, what can I really do?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-50780355061131607092009-09-30T19:43:00.004-04:002009-09-30T19:58:17.489-04:00Very AloneMonty's mother in law has been e-mailing the group of us updates as she and her daughter gets them about where Monty is, how we can write to him, how to set up a phone account so he can call (that didn't work for me, I'll have to do my own research on it) and about getting together to visit him. The lovely lady who sat next to me in the courtroom, who I'm going to call Kelly here, has been sending me text messages every now and then.<br /><br />Truth be told, I still feel very alone. I'm grateful for the messages and the updates and they really do help, but it feels like that's all the support I'm getting.<br /><br />I'm not really expecting more, though.<br /><br />Honestly, who can help me with this? Who can watch me go blind with tears and blubber uncontrollably and really hope to help? Who, if not one of those who really knows what this feels like, can actually do anything?<br /><br />That being said, I'm also grateful to have the condo to myself right now, so my roommates didn't question when I stumbled to the bathroom, choking on sobs, to find the tissue box while trying to write a blog post.<br /><br />This ended up much shorter than I originally intended, but I can't see anything anymore right now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-28809791900836155092009-09-28T22:23:00.002-04:002009-09-28T23:11:34.249-04:00I Will Never Do That AgainTake heed now, all my family and friends and even friends yet to be: don't break the law. I can't sit through another hearing. I can't be there for you if you do.<br /><br /><br />The morning started like a regular morning, except that it was Friday and I wasn't going to work, I woke up an hour later than normal, and I was at my parents' house. Dad was out of town and Mom had already left for work. I woke, chose a simple linen dress, ate a waffle, and headed off to Monty's. I left a little later than I wanted, but still with plenty of time to get there. His hearing was to start at 0900, and he had promised me coffee.<br /><br />I met two of his friends: awesome ladies both. We joked over our coffee like it was a normal day. We prevented him from putting the bright orange shoelaces his eldest son had bought for him in his dress shoes. I made him give me the book I had made for his birthday, for safe keeping, just in case.<br /><br />We took two cars to the courthouse, where the six of us met five other people who were already there. His lawyer made it a point to tell the judge, and us, that she's never before worked such a case where so many people came out to support the defendant, not only in the amount of letters that were sent to the judge, but in the people in the courtroom too. Eleven doesn't seem like a large number. I guess many people find themselves very alone in such a situation.<br /><br />I'm not really sure of the dynamic of their relationship, but one of the ladies I met at the house that morning seemed to be very close to him. Monty had only mentioned her a few times in the last few weeks. She sat next to me, and took my hand as we took our seats after the judge came in.<br /><br />I have never said that Monty didn't deserve to be punished. I have never said that his crime wasn't horrid and deplorable. But, still, he is my friend and has always been a good person to me. One of the arguments that his lawyer made was that he had made remarkable progress, in growing as a person, healing, and repenting, in the two and a half years that this has been building.<br /><br />It didn't matter.<br /><br />None of it did. Progress under therapy and medication didn't matter. Changes that his loved ones saw in him didn't matter. The judge only saw what was horrid and deplorable. It didn't matter that it was only one side of him, a side that was subdued under medical care. Nothing else mattered.<br /><br />The lawyer argued heavily for the minimum sentence of five years, that he wasn't a threat to anyone anymore and could be granted a few weeks to get his affairs in order, that the sentencing guidelines set forth by Congress didn't apply in this case. The judge agreed that they didn't, but said that five years wasn't enough, and so decreed 121 months. Ten years. He disregarded the statements of Monty's doctors and decided to offer his own diagnosis. He said there were medical issues yet unknown and that did make Monty a threat, even though there has been no prior criminal history and no criminal behavior for the two and a half years since the FBI first raided his home. Those ten years began right away.<br /><br />I don't think I shall ever forget how hard it was to force my tears to vanish, so I could smile my support and wave when he looked back before they took him away.<br /><br />The whole thing took two hours. Somehow, it felt like 20 minutes, at the same time that it felt like half a day. There is nothing to compare with listening to some stranger talk only of a friend's bad qualities when you know there are good ones too. It was among the most painful things I've ever had to endure. That's why I won't do it again.<br /><br />In that moment that felt like it was too short and too long, all of my questions, doubts, and struggles of the previous months meant nothing. At the end of that two hour moment, they took my friend away, allowing us, his family and friends, nothing more than a glance.<br /><br />The lawyer spoke with us for a time. She mentioned that someone had personal items that were seized from Monty and his wife's home for evidence. "They'll give it all back," the lawyer said. "Except my boy," his mother replied.<br /><br />After that, we went to a diner to try to shake off the stress of the morning. Some of us had large meals, some of us had coffee, some of us had lavish milkshakes. We spoke of other things, because we had no information and it wouldn't help anyone to deal with what we had witnessed if we just moped about it. Some lady came up to us on her way to the restroom and commented that it looked like we were having fun and she wanted to join our table. We stared. Then one of our party said we must be in the company of good actors; more than half the table raised their hands in confirmation.<br /><br />Unlike most of the others in the group, I wanted to be alone. I have known him longer than more than half of them. I didn't feel like a part of them. I didn't really want to be around anyone. I had made plans that evening and I kept them. It was a distraction. I talked a little about my day, but felt like they didn't really want to be bothered with it. That's ok, I really wanted to be alone anyway.<br /><br />Around 11:30 today, I looked at my phone, expecting it to ring. That's about when Monty has been calling me recently. It didn't ring, of course. Because he's gone. Not for good, but for now. I can't even say when I'll see him next.<br /><br />I'm still left with questions. Right now, only one is coming to mind. Who are these tears for? Me? Him? His family? The people who were hurt indirectly? I don't know if I'll ever know.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-91169865352854199042009-09-25T14:30:00.000-04:002009-09-25T14:31:21.207-04:00I can't Talk About this NowNot now.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-39640262513022813252009-09-24T12:19:00.001-04:002009-09-24T12:20:53.249-04:00TomorrowNo, I'm not here to break into Broadway song.<br /><br />Monty's hearing is tomorrow. I spoke with him on the phone a few days ago, and I still intend to go. He told me that there really is nothing stopping the judge from sending him off to his fate right then and there. He also said his lawyer thinks it's unlikely because he's very clearly not a flight risk.<br /><br />He's hoping that the people coming to show support will be able to hang out for a while before we all go our way. His in-laws are hoping to have a going away party for him at a later date.<br /><br />I've been so busy with my own things, I haven't really had time to consider what tomorrow will bring. Or might bring.<br /><br />I will see people I've never met, people I've met but never really spent time with, people I don't get along with. I'll hear the details of the charges, that won't shock me because I already know them. I wonder how many do. I wonder if it will change how he acts around me once he knows that I know. They won't be calling witnesses, that's the purpose that the letters to the judge were supposed to serve (and mine did get included. While others did, I did not show Monty what I wrote). Then there are three things we're supposed to learn: to what facility he will be taken, when, and for how long.<br /><br />I thought that, while writing this, some of the reality of it would sink in, but it still hasn't. Yes, my friend will be going away. He will be paying for a crime that he must pay for. It will be months after he goes that I finally hear from him as it is. I wonder how things will change for me when I don't get those semi-weekly calls from him anymore. I don't spend a whole lot of time with him, I didn't before this mess started. But, he was always there, and would be there if I needed him. What will it be like when he's not there anymore?<br /><br />I'm still feeling very disconnected from it. Even that I'm going because he asked me, not for any specific desire for me to be there. I guess there's nothing but to see what tomorrow will bring.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-75308253897099676542009-09-03T09:11:00.000-04:002009-09-03T09:11:00.335-04:00Half of the TruthWhile I was talking to Monty on the phone the other day, he mentioned he noticed that I don't accept invitations to stay overnight anymore. He found it odd that I had done so before but recently had been insistent to leave in the wee hours of the morning rather than wait until dawn and get a tiny bit of sleep. He mentioned that I seem to be uncomfortable at the idea, where I had taken him up on it twice before.<br /><br />"It's the bugs," I told him. That's only half of it, I admit that.<br /><br />The basement that has been his home for more than a year is prone to bugs. Big brown beetle-type bugs whose corpses I often find flat from being trampled underfoot. I do think about the bugs that may be crawling on me or into my bags while I'm there. I pointed out that he probably noticed I don't take my shoes off anymore too. He said he had. He also said he was glad that it was something that he can easily work to remedy so I will feel more comfortable and not because of him that I no longer stay.<br /><br />That's the part that I didn't tell him. It does make me uncomfortable, knowing what I now know. I don't know what I'm going to do if he says he's taken care of the bugs. Will I have to own to this part of the issue? Why am I so adamant that I don't do it now?Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-22759513434560573562009-09-02T11:10:00.000-04:002009-09-02T11:11:24.319-04:00Character LetterMonty and I have been phone tagging for a while. Because of this, I didn't get information for writing the character letter to the judge that he asked me to write until last night, which was the day his attorney wanted all the letters by.<br /><br />I told him I would write one. And I did, I did it this morning and faxed it to the attorney's office. I do hope it's not too late to include mine. I know I've known him longer than many. If the judge takes any words to heart, mine will be among them.<br /><br />It was difficult to write, really. For one, I've never written a judge. For two, I have many stories of good times that reflect the kind of person I know Monty to be. If I was to say everything, the judge would certainly get tired of reading it. The other thing is that I had to forget about the crime, that's not the point and the letters have nothing to do with sentencing (meaning that it was not for me to ask him to be merciful, which I would have had a hard time doing).<br /><br />The funny thing was that, while I've been unable to find books to help me through this situation, I was able to find some sites that offered a bit of guidance for the character letter. More guidance than what the attorney's office had sent to me, that is.<br /><br />But it's done and sent and I hope it wasn't too late. I feel good that I followed through. I told him long before I knew the extent of the crime that I would do it, and I have.<br /><br />When I spoke with him yesterday, he confirmed that the hearing is still on the 25th. He has been saying that he might have a month or more to get his affairs in order after the sentence is pronounced. He also said last night that the judge may deem it necessary to cart him off right away. I had been wondering about this. Apparently, according to his attorney, granting thirty to ninety days before having to surrender is common. The purpose is to allow criminals time to work out what will need to be worked out before he goes away. I told him I only had TV to go on, really, and didn't know they regularly did that. "Reality is very different," he said.<br /><br />If he is allowed the standard ninety days that would mean that the latest date he could surrender would be the day before Thanksgiving. He could, of course, surrender earlier than that. I would almost encourage him to do so. Can you imagine your last day of freedom is the day before a major holiday? Better for it to be a day of no significance. I'm not sure why I feel that way.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-14479040216333950632009-08-06T19:29:00.002-04:002009-08-06T19:51:52.239-04:00OverhearIt has been a long time since I updated here. Many things have been going on, in this matter and my life in general.<br /><br />My roommate is studying to become a nurse. She hopes to be accepted to school and start in the beginning of 2010. In the meantime, she is taking many self-paced, credit courses to get some of the prerequisites under her belt. One of her classes is Abnormal Psychology. I overheard her yesterday telling her boyfriend about a chapter she just finished about dissociative disorders.<br /><br />"There's one called Dissociative Fugue," she said. "It's really cool," and went on to describe what it is (the phenomenon of someone relocating and starting a new life, having no memory of their previous life for a time. I imagine eventually remembering that is a frightening experience).<br /><br />That comment gave me pause. "Really cool." I find my roommate to be mostly a compassionate person. She's not one of those who I feel supports my support of Monty, but for the most part, she is a healer and will make a great nurse.<br /><br />"Really cool." I was struck with an instance of anger at her. Just an instance, but it was there. I wanted to interrupt and proclaim that I don't think anyone suffering from any dissociative disorder thinks it's "really cool." I was hurt that she would think this about anyone's condition, particularly because one affects someone I know.<br /><br />Dissociative Identity Disorder is what put Monty in the situation he is in. While this brings up many questions in itself, the truth is that he is taking medications for it. At this point, whether anyone can truly suffer from such a thing is immaterial. His doctors say a friend of mine suffers from a dissociative disorder. He is paying the consequences for it. It is not "really cool."Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-72904309921732777732009-07-13T12:33:00.001-04:002009-07-13T12:33:33.766-04:00The DiscussionI know some of you are wondering how last Thursday's talk went. As it turned out, I didn't have to release as many details as I thought I might. I didn't even cry. They both had some very good, meaningful insights for me. Particularly that this, as all things, is not black and white and there is no definitive answer for any part of it. Accepting that may not be easy, but will help.<br /><br />They also advised against being a spiritual mentor for Monty. The simplest reason is that I can't do everything for him. Even if I have the expertise in this regard, I can't be expected to wear every hat. I was greatly struggling with this request he made of me, even for reasons that I didn't quite realize at the time. But, I know that is one of those things that I just can't do and I was able to tell him that yesterday. I know he didn't understand, and tried to press. I have more reasons beyond this one, but that was all I was willing to say. Eventually, he said "ok, I asked and you said no. That's cool." Having that burden no longer on me is a noticeable relief.<br /><br />One of them mentioned that, with enough notice, she would be willing to come with me to the sentencing since I'm certain I'm going to need support. They both said they were open any time I needed to talk. Writing about it is one thing, but being able to actually bounce ideas off of someone and get some thoughts from people outside the situation is really helpful. I mentioned that it would have been perfectly ok if they heard my story and decided they couldn't help me. They mentioned something that my other friend who asked to be an ear had said, them taking the time to help me does not imply support or rejection of Monty. Other than the fact that he's brought this situation on me, and I've chosen to let him, it's not about him. They were there for me and, as the situation is not black and white, neither are my reasons for staying by him.<br /><br />Sometimes, we need someone else to remind us of things that we already know.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-22043831565568950082009-07-09T11:36:00.000-04:002009-07-09T11:38:05.002-04:00Gathering ThoughtsI'm speaking with the ministers this afternoon. Like with all meetings, I try to go over what I want to say beforehand. I'm surprisingly coming up short.<br /><br />It's easy to type about it (relatively speaking), but not so easy to speak about it. I've told them that already. It also means that, for them to understand my position, I'll have to tell them things about me that they don't already know.<br /><br />I'm not sure I even know where to begin, or even exactly what I want from them. It's always best to start at the beginning, but the beginning is so hard to pinpoint.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4716968601728714045.post-7698249944034311692009-07-08T05:48:00.004-04:002009-07-08T07:23:22.448-04:00A CommentSomeone left a comment to yesterday's post! However, I have chosen not to publish it. It contained what appeared to be an opinion about Michael Jackson's anti-Christian-like dancing behavior. I chose not to publish it because this post, and this blog as a whole, is not about how one feels about touching parts of their body while dancing.<br /><br />I respect that this anonymous commentator has an opinion (or has found an opinion) they feel is worth repeating, but the commentator clearly missed the intended point here. Therefore I will also choose to not go off on a tangent by starting a discussion about this irrelevant opinion.<br /><br />This blog is about real people, who have real lives and make real choices. I am here to talk about real people who are suffering, and they are suffering in ways that the majority out there can only scarcely imagine. That post was not about Michael Jackson, it was not about a going away party that the host city could not afford, and it was not about spending a day surrounded by an immense crowd so some people could sign their names in a book that no one will ever read. Perhaps it will be noted that I made no mention of my opinion over his guilt or innocence in regards to his previous charges. That, too, is irrelevant. Therefore, I will not post an opinion that was brought here simply because I named Michael Jackson in my first sentence.<br /><br />I came here yesterday because Margo Howard's words, that I quoted directly, struck something in me. It is a question that I often ask myself, and I felt compelled to try to answer it. So, the question in my terms: How is it that I can overlook the person and his actions just because Monty was always a good friend to me? As I hope it has been clear, the answer is "I do not know."<br /><br />I did mention yesterday that some of it may be born of fear. I illustrated that as a fear that we could be the ones doing those bad things, if it weren't for the people we know doing them. The potential for bad choices is within all of us. There's another side to that fear. It could also be fear that we made a bad choice in failing to see the badness in others. How does such a misjudgment reflect on us? What would others think of us when they learned of the mistake we made? Humans are pack animals and acceptance in the pack has prominence in many of our thoughts and feelings. Still, I do not know.<br /><br />But the valuable lesson that I learned is that this ability is not unique to me. I found that many people can ignore what they know, or think they know, to show love and support for someone who touched their lives in some way. From a scary movie buddy to a figure on stage to someone who violated a traffic law and caused direct injury, and everyone in between. Being in someone's life, even just for a moment or from a distance, will touch them. That is the place where we find compassion for people who do not seem to deserve it. Deserving is not the purpose of compassion.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14410917227261423892noreply@blogger.com3